a change of plans

The past two months have flown by, yet within them seem to hold years of memories and experiences. My team is spending our last week together in Agadir, Morocco working for a learning center before we fly back to the states. The plan was to leave early Monday morning, travel all day and make it to Denver before nightfall. Well, as many of you know, I'm not one who always keeps just according to schedule, and have been presented with a new opportunity...

I'm not leaving Morocco just yet. 

Most of my time in Morocco has been spent working with a couple who own their own trekking company. It has been so incredible working with them, getting to see their heart, their determination, and their purpose for being here. While Christian organizations and evangelism are completely illegal in this country, businesses and tourism are not. So through this business the couple is not only able to stay and live in this very secured, closed country - but are taking groups into the deepest parts of the country to build relationships with some of the least reached people groups in the entire world. While making a video for them a theme arose, "By Any Means Necessary." We off-roaded through rocks and canyons and river streams, trekked through the mud and rain up steep winding paths. We camped under rock cliffs and drank hot chocolate with fresh cow's milk. Ok, so it wasn't all hard work  :)

But more than the physical labor and rough terrain, this theme cut to the heart of their company and why they do what they do. They willingly give up luxuries and comforts to meet the people no one else can get to. They want to love, and share Christ's love, by any means necessary. From trekking through the mountains to expeditions in the Sahara desert, they're willing to go and do whatever it takes. I love being around people who are passionate about life.

So here I am, 6 days before I'm scheduled to leave the country, and I've been given an opportunity. I've been invited to help lead and film a 7 day expedition through the Sahara Desert. There will be 14 of us in all, driving Land Rovers, meeting Nomadic tribes, camping and worshipping in the desert. I have no idea what to expect, but I know God has opened this up as a once in a lifetime opportunity, and an adventure like I have never experienced.

My biggest prayer for this trip is to encounter God like I never have before. 7 days, as far away from reality as I can get. No projects, no facebook, no producing, no cell phones, no distractions. As much as I've taken in the last 7 weeks, I know I haven't taken the time needed to   s  l  o  w     d  o  w  n   and process it. I've met incredible people, worked with dozens of ministries, traveled by planes, trains, buses, taxis and even motorbikes around the world. And I think if I jet home after all of this, I'll miss something. Something big. Something God wants me to take away from all of this. Something he's doing in me. 

SO. I'll be out of communication for yet another week. But please, please, if ever a week to pray for me, this is it. I'll be back from the Sahara Friday, April 10th and should be on a plane home shortly after. This will be my first time traveling solo internationally, but after all I've been through thus far, I think I can handle it  :)

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading. It is a life of faith, not intellect and reason, but a life of knowing who makes us 'go'.  

- Oswald Chambers

beyond the surface

This week I have been working with some amazingly unique people. Thai hardcore metal rock bands. The Gu Club Underground to be exact. The GuClub is a group of rockers who drink, party, and have concerts all over the city. Most of them can be identified by their tattoos, piercings, long hair & loud clothing style. It's easy to judge them by what's seen on the surface, especially in conservative Thai culture - but when you dig deep and spend time to see what they're really about, it's incredible.

  

Although most of the guys in this club aren't Christians, they wanted to have a benefit concert, giving the proceeds away to a charity or special cause. Over the years they've built good relationships with the guys from an urban ministry called WonGeneration, and through them got hooked up with a school for Burmese refugees on the border of Thailand to donate the money to. The concert was held on Saturday, with over 20 metal bands on schedule, lasting well over 10hrs. It was loud, intense, and put on for something bigger than their own fame and profit. 

 

Being able to partner with these guys and WonGen has been a blast. It's been a rush. & I've made some amazing friends. Our film crew has been working on different projects here, from portrait shots to interviews to filming the bands and traveling with them 5 1/2 hours to the Burmese school.  What started as blank stares and awkward translated conversations led to jam sessions on the guitar, foozeball games, swimming in rivers and bus rides full of laughter. We had a common goal - to help these kids - & in light of that all our differences seemed pretty insignificant. & it made me think of how easily I can misjudge people. To see them as rude or angry, or to assume there's little we share in common... when now I see such talented, genuine people. Friends. I'm in with the GuClub Underground. Now I just need to work on my hardcore face.

  

more pictures at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2214088&id=17216698&l=435216cb09

connection

Life is defined by connections. It's the connections we have that make us who we are. This week I have struggled through the painful stings of loneliness and the inexpressible joys of community. I have felt completely disconnected from everything, but now sit in bed with a peace and wholeness that can't be defined by circumstances. It's the people I'm connected to. And the creator that connects us all together. 

The hardest element of what I do is feeling like I'm really connected somewhere. I move so much, always living out of a suitcase, seeing new cities and meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. And at the end of the night I can come home very alone. Earlier this week I was reaching the point of breakdown, with tears in my eyes, locked in my room so my teammates wouldn't know. I'd been so project focused, so task oriented that I felt the few relationships I had here were strained and starting to crumble. I wanted a phone call, an e-mail, a text message even from someone back home. But instead I sat in a dark room with no electricity and no connection to the outside world. I cried, I prayed, and I waited for the morning sun to breakthrough the darkness in my heart. 

With that said, today has been one of the best days of this trip. It is our last day in Kathmandu, and it has been all about relationships. We spent time with those who we had been working with, but without the camera. Without the producer hat on. We ate and we laughed and we drank tea and told stories. And it was absolutely incredible. The night air was so warm, and as we sat on the rooftop under the stars all I could do was thank God for the amazing people he's brought into my life. It didn't matter that there's no electricity (the entire city only gets it a couple hours a day), or that the city is polluted with smog, or that miscommunication always throws our plans off schedule. All I wanted to do was stay here, with my team and these wonderful Nepali people. We're connected to each other, and any hardships we've faced seem to get wiped away in the light of the relationships we've made. 

We're designed to be connected. To each other & to Him. When this happens - it just feels so good. I love this feeling. It's me. Laughing and storytelling and completely in love with Jesus. When I buy into that depression that I'm alone, that no one really knows me, that I don't have any value here, it's like being locked in a room with no windows. No chance of escape. I can't live as that person. I refuse to miss an incredible night like tonight lost in disconnection. Life is as rich as the relationships it's made up of. I sometimes forget how wealthy I am. But on nights like tonight, I am so very thankful. 

beautiful chaos

Beautiful chaos. That's what this week has been for me. I've been in Nepal for 8 days, and it feels like it could be months. I've done so much, taken so much in, met so many new people - and I love everything about it. Our work here isn't the kind that drains me. Granted, it's exhausting - filming from sunrise to sunset - but I'm experiencing this country in a way that most people will never, and that fills me up with a new kind of energy and strength. 

After a weekend of adjusting and getting settled, my team set out all day Monday to film a number of major locations and events throughout Kathmandu. 2 of the team members went to Kings Kids - a ministry working with street kids - to meet and interview the boy they would be following this week to tell his story. The other 5 of us set out at 4am to film sunrises, festivals, temples and ancient cities within Kathmandu. Probably 10 of the 14 hour day was spent traveling in our minibus over bumpy dirt roads, through the mountains and farming lands, into the deep poverty of the city and out to beautifully elaborate Buddhist and Hindu temples. It was a little overwhelming to take in all in one day, but I'm so thankful for all we were able to capture and experience. 

Monday night I hit my bed as soon as I got back to the guesthouse, to wake up again before sunrise Tuesday morning. While 4 worked on a street kids documentary, Jes, Jon Paul and I (the J team) flew out early in the morning to Pokhara on a jumper plane for 3 days to try and capture a glimpse of all the works being done through this campus. Although Wednesday struck all of us pretty hard with sickness (a good case of the 10/40s, we call it) Tuesday and Thursday were amazing days of hiking, interviews, filming and just learning about all of the amazing things God is doing in this country. I love getting to know people on a deep and real level. to cut right to the point, right to the heart of why they do what they do. I met some of the most exceptional people this week with the biggest heart to serve God and everyone around them. 

And to top off a great week - I had the best birthday celebration I think I've ever had in the last 22 years! Hiking a mountain at sunrise - playing with a pet monkey - paragliding the Himalayan mountains - 80 degree sunshine in February - stargazing from rooftops - birthday cake and party hats - tailor made punjabis - incredible friends to celebrate with. I could write pages and pages of stories, but instead I posted a couple albums of photos on facebook - and I hope they serve to tell a couple of the stories for me until I get home to share them in person  :)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2211559&id=17216698&l=c6ff0

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2211568&id=17216698&l=b7c0d

With all that we've done already, I can't wait to see what the next week brings! We're taking the weekend off for some much needed rest and relaxation, then have another full week ahead before we fly to Thailand on Friday, March 6th. Please e-mail me if you want to hear more stories or ask questions about anything in Nepal. I'd love to hear from you and will do my best to answer!

it has begun...

During a photo shoot with my roommate this weekend (she was working on portrait lighting for our outreach), this photo was captured, somewhat unintentionally I believe. But I have to laugh when I look at it, because it speaks so loudly the heart of what I'm feeling right now. I'm excited, anxious, grateful - and my stomach is completely filled with butterflies because I have no idea what I've gotten myself into. 

I'm sitting in the Denver International Airport right now, it's going to be a long day of flights, layovers, and airport after airport in 4 different countries. I'm only a few hours in, but already I can tell this is going to be a long day of thinking, praying and prepping myself. My team is together, the 7 of us with MacBooks in hand, laughing and dancing and slightly freaking out. We hit the ground running in Nepal Friday afternoon, with two weeks scheduled full of research, interviews, filming and festivals. 

Though much of this outreach revolves around traveling, I'm beginning to see that there will be some major blessings in spite of the burdens and complications that come with it. No matter how packed my schedule gets, there will always be a break. A time to reflect, debrief, and prepare for the next location - even if it's just a few hours in the airport. & hopefully every airport has great of internet connection, that with processing comes e-mails, skype calls and blog updates  :) Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers! Only God knows what's in store, but I'm ready to get out there and see what he's got for me. 

cloud 9

I feel like I've been flyin' on cloud nine this week. It's knocked me off my feet a couple times when I think about how blessed I really am. That this is really my life. I never want to take for granted all of the incredible opportunities I've been given. all of the priceless friendships in my life. all of the stories and memories and experiences that have shaped who I am now. & the best part is, I really can't take credit for any of it. 

God is so good. I've been saying that in my head over and over again, and even catch it slipping off my tongue. I just love seeing his miracles. His provision. Getting ready to go on an outreach is hard, because there's so much left in the unknown. Like this one in particular - How are we going to get all of the equipment we need? Where are the finances going to come from? Who is going to be able to go? What are we going to be able to film? No one has done this before, is it even possible?? A big part of this journey is trust and faith, but honestly, this is my favorite part right here - when it all comes together. 

It's all coming together. Especially in the financial department, which has been a HUGE prayer for this team. Our film crew has needed thousands and thousands of dollars to even attempt this outreach, and now that we're down to the wire with days left before departure, God remains faithful and is meeting and exceeding all of our needs! My roommate just received a $2700 scholarship, along with the rest of my team's finances being raised, nearly $7000 has come in for camera equipment, plus additional ground fees that were desperately needed. Which through all of this just resonates one thing in my head, "we're really going..."

Up until this point it's been a lot of talk. Excitement, anticipation, preparation, but it hasn't been real. It's finally sinking into my heart what it is I'm about to do, and there isn't a thing I can do to wipe this smile off my face. None of my past hesitations even seem to matter anymore - skill level, finances, safety, security. God has never left me in this alone. Ever. It's been his plan from the start, and I just haven't been able to jump on board 100% until now. I wouldn't trade what I do for anything. Yes, it would be nice to have the luxuries of ordinary - a house, a car, maybe a boyfriend even? But who wants nice when you can have  e x t r a o r d i n a r y . My life is a story, I want it to to be worth reading. Don't you?

life out of a suitcase

I've got a praise report! After 5 months and $2,500 of saving and support raising, my around-the-world plane ticket is bought and paid for!! This was a big stretch for me in the faith department, and I was trying as hard as I could to weigh in on the trusting side oppose to doubting God to provide for me. I'm still another $1,000 away from what's needed to cover my expenses, but I have no doubt that this is God's plan and the pieces will continue to fall into place. 

As promised, here's is a copy of my flight itinerary. Just a taste of what my life will look like living out of a suitcase for the next 2 months...

date_____location________________________duration

2/18_____Denver, CO - Los Angeles, CA____2:26

2/18_____Los Angeles, CA - Munich________11:20

2/19_____Munich - Delhi___________________7:25

2/20_____Delhi - Kathmandu_______________1:25

3/6______ Kathmandu - Delhi_______________1:45

3/7______Delhi - Bangkok__________________4:25

3/24_____Bangkok - Abu Dhabi___________ _6:35

3/24_____Abu Dhabi - Casablanca__________8:55

4/6______Casablanca - Frankfurt____________3:25

4/6______Frankfurt - Chicago, IL____________9:08

4/6______Chicago, IL - Denver, CO__________2:40

Please cover these days with your prayers! With all of our baggage and camera equipment and layover schedules, I know there's potential for a lot to go wrong. But we have favor and I know it's possible for everything to move smoothly, even within imperfect circumstances.

I know I'm crazy... I know it. But I love this adventure that God is taking me on  :)

breaking the silence

I realize that it has been months since my last post, and already a new year has began. So I'm breaking the silence. I'm writing again  :)

I've been home in Lincoln since the beginning of December, and with the transition has come so many blessings, but also a heavy load of struggles and frustrations. I loved being home for Christmas, mostly for the intimate time with family and close friends. There were 4 new babies in my family at Christmas this year! (not to mention the 2 new ones last year, adding to the now 15 little ones that ran my sister's house on Christmas morning). It got me thinking a lot about if I had been in Sudan during this time, as previously planned. I wouldn't have met any of them. I'm so thankful for my family, for the laughs and the card games and the endless buffet of food anytime there's an event. The more and more I'm away it really does build up my appreciation for them. They're some of the only real roots and foundation I have right now.

   

(pictures above: me with my 3 nieces Jocelyn, Tessa, and brand new baby Jada)

Which has been my struggle, keeping my feet on a solid foundation - finding roots to dig into and invest in. I absolutely love what I do, and I know God has put a heart in me to travel all over the world working with different people groups - but it gets trying living out of a suitcase for months at a time. Even now, home just doesn't quite feel like home anymore. I'm still in transition, trying to live life and not just  w a i t  impatiently for my next journey. Some days are really good - I've met new friends and am working hard and enjoy the independence that comes with my own space, my own car and a full closet even! But some days are just. hard. I'm quick to loneliness, no longer having roommates or friends right down the hall from me. Most of my best friends are overseas right now, making communication limited if even possible. And I'm almost guarded to pour into new relationships, knowing that I'm leaving again soon. But I'm always leaving again. That really can't hold me back, can it?

One realization I've come to this past week is how easily independence comes to me when I'm living in Lincoln. Not that independence is bad, but I'm really not drawing any strength from God - I handle it all myself. Life is planned, structured, manageable. Living overseas God isn't just a part of it, he IS it. There is so much uncertainty and conflict and spiritual warfare, that he is in everything I do, I have no strength to get by on my own with. Which is why I think I'm burning out here. I don't need God less in Nebraska than I need him overseas, I just think that way. I go into autopilot, which leads to unhappiness. I'm not on a YWAM campus anymore, devotionals aren't written in my schedule, I don't have a worship band down the hall from me or a 24/7 prayer room just up the stairs. I've gotta figure this stuff out for me, in the here and now. It's not even so much what I do, I don't think, but where my heart is at. What do I really desire right now? What am I seeking? Is it him? 

I'm starting to ramble. This is an impromptu blog, no notes to go from - I just knew I needed to break the silence  :)  Sometimes I feel like my life is just less interesting here, like I only have something worth writing about when I'm in Africa or Asia or even Colorado Springs. But I'm still growing, learning, and overall really enjoying life. I am so excited for what's to come! - but again, am trying to live life to the fullest right here, right now. Working a lot, resting a lot, and preparing however I can for my next adventure around the world. I should really post my flight itinerary... I got it New Years day and it is ridiculous! So many countries in so little time... Well, until then!