connection

Life is defined by connections. It's the connections we have that make us who we are. This week I have struggled through the painful stings of loneliness and the inexpressible joys of community. I have felt completely disconnected from everything, but now sit in bed with a peace and wholeness that can't be defined by circumstances. It's the people I'm connected to. And the creator that connects us all together. 

The hardest element of what I do is feeling like I'm really connected somewhere. I move so much, always living out of a suitcase, seeing new cities and meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. And at the end of the night I can come home very alone. Earlier this week I was reaching the point of breakdown, with tears in my eyes, locked in my room so my teammates wouldn't know. I'd been so project focused, so task oriented that I felt the few relationships I had here were strained and starting to crumble. I wanted a phone call, an e-mail, a text message even from someone back home. But instead I sat in a dark room with no electricity and no connection to the outside world. I cried, I prayed, and I waited for the morning sun to breakthrough the darkness in my heart. 

With that said, today has been one of the best days of this trip. It is our last day in Kathmandu, and it has been all about relationships. We spent time with those who we had been working with, but without the camera. Without the producer hat on. We ate and we laughed and we drank tea and told stories. And it was absolutely incredible. The night air was so warm, and as we sat on the rooftop under the stars all I could do was thank God for the amazing people he's brought into my life. It didn't matter that there's no electricity (the entire city only gets it a couple hours a day), or that the city is polluted with smog, or that miscommunication always throws our plans off schedule. All I wanted to do was stay here, with my team and these wonderful Nepali people. We're connected to each other, and any hardships we've faced seem to get wiped away in the light of the relationships we've made. 

We're designed to be connected. To each other & to Him. When this happens - it just feels so good. I love this feeling. It's me. Laughing and storytelling and completely in love with Jesus. When I buy into that depression that I'm alone, that no one really knows me, that I don't have any value here, it's like being locked in a room with no windows. No chance of escape. I can't live as that person. I refuse to miss an incredible night like tonight lost in disconnection. Life is as rich as the relationships it's made up of. I sometimes forget how wealthy I am. But on nights like tonight, I am so very thankful.