where's she going now?

I've waited somewhat intentionally to blog about my change of outreach plans, mostly because I like communicating on a more personal level if possible. I love phone calls and e-mails, and even text messages to keep in touch, but sometimes that doesn't quite suffice. So, here's what's new...

In the last newsletter I sent out I explained about my plans to work in Sudan this winter (if you don't receive newsletters from me and would like to, please let me know). Well since that time God has really been working on my heart and redefining my plans. Although it would have been an incredible opportunity and growing experience to work in Sudan, I've been given the chance to partner with a different team for a very strategic purpose.

The Colorado Spring's YWAM base is sending out their communications team to capture stories, raise awareness and shine light on major issues in Morocco, Nepal and Thailand. I will be working on this team to help film and produce media projects, documentaries and promotional footage for these countries, as well as further develop my skills in communications. I strongly feel that this is an area I would like to pursue full-time, and am extremely excited to gain some immediate on the field experience! I am praying that through this outreach I will not only make a difference and impact the countries that I'll be traveling to, but that it will also help me to define my goals, passions and long term direction.

This is a quick video that sums the mission statement our trip - made by my teammate Emily - (note, Sudan is highlighted - but because of complications on the field, we are switching locations to film and work in Morocco).

If you would like to partner with me in this, you can make checks payable to YWAM at

Jill Kilzer

PO Box 60579

Colorado Springs, CO 80960

As a team we're praying for the financial support to buy plane tickets and needed camera equipment. Every little bit helps - especially joining with us in prayer that our needs will be met and doors will be opened for us!

the calf path

The Calf Path

written by Sam Walter Foss

One day, through the primeval wood,

A calf walked home, as good calves should;

But made a trail all bent askew,

A crooked trail as all calves do.

-
Since then three hundred years have fled,

And, I infer, the calf is dead.

But still he left behind his trail,

And thereby hangs my moral tale

-
The trail was taken up next day
By a lone dog that passed that way;

And then a wise bell-wether sheep

Pursued the trail o're vale and steep,

And drew the flock behind him, too,

As good bell-wethers always do.

And from that day, o'er hill and glade,

Through those old woods a path was made.

-

And many men wound in and out,

And dodged, and turned, and bent about

And uttered words of righteous wrath

Because 'twas such a crooked path.

But still they followed - do not laugh -

The first migrations of that calf,

And through this winding wood-way stalked,

Because he wobbled when he walked.

-

This forest path became a lane,

That bent, and turned, and turned again;

This crooked lane became a road,

Where many a poor horse with his load

Toiled on beneath the burning sun,
And traveled some three miles in one.

And thus a century and a half

They trod the footsteps of that calf.

-

The years passed on in swiftness fleet,

The road became a village street;

And this, before men were aware,

A city's crowded thoroughfare;

And soon the central street was this

Of a renowned metropolis;

And men two centuries and a half

Trod in the footsteps of that calf.

-

Each day a hundred thousand rout

Followed the zigzag calf about;

And o'er his crooked journey went

The traffic of a continent.

A hundred thousand men were led

By one calf near three centuries dead.

They followed still his crooked way,

And lost one hundred years a day;

For thus such reverence is lent

To well-established precedent.

-

A moral lesson this might teach,

Were I ordained and called to preach;

For men are prone to go it blind

Along the calf-paths of the mind,

-

And work away from sun to sun

To do what other men have done.

They follow in the beaten track,

And out and in, and forth and back,

-

And still their devious course pursue,

To keep the path that others do.

They keep the path a sacred groove,

Along which all their lives they move.

But how the wise old wood-gods laugh,

Who saw the first primeval calf!

Ah! Many things this tale might teach -

But I am not ordained to preach.

-

[taken from the book Pagan Christianity]

change

The leaves have changed to a glowing red, yellow and orange that set the mountains ablaze. The cold winds and heavy clouds that brought in a blanket of snowfall are now replaced with a warm autumn sun and endless blue skies. I love fall, and for more than the pumpkin patches and Nebraska football games - but for the change. It is an entire season of change, and that fasinates me.

I too am in a season of change.

My colors are changing and I'm learning how to let go of the branches I've clung to. My ideas and perspectives and places of comfort have been shifting, like I'm learning who I am all over again. Not only is this a season of change, but I've felt like God has been telling me this is a season of discovery. I'm peeling away the layers to discover what my true identity is, what I'm created for and what I want to do with this thing called life. It's a hard journey, but one I'm so glad I chose to embark on, instead of letting someone decide it for me.

As I'm watching the beautiful Colorado landscape change, I'm forced to sit back and reflect on my own change this semester. Just in the past 6 weeks I (or circumstances) have changed my:
> roommates > political views > nose
> friendships > view of the church > outreach dates and locations
> diet > future plans > romantic relationships & expectations

> direction in life

It seems that the only consistency in my life has been change. But isn't that true for all of us? We're all changing - if it's hair, a job, a city or an entire worldview. When I become unwilling to learn and adapt; to change - then I stand on a shaky ground of absolutes I've built for myself. Change is scary. It's beautiful. And there's high risk involved. God, thank you so much for not allowing me to settle with who and where I was, but gently challenging me to change.

& thank you for beautiful, warm fall days.

broken

Tonight has been a hard night for me, a night when my flesh has been ripped from my spirit, and I'm left with questions and tears.

For class tonight we watched Beyond the Gates which is described best in the words of Joseph Habineza, Rwandan Minister of Youth, Sports and Culture when he said,

“This film is a very powerful depiction of the terrible events that took place in my country in 1994. A number of films have now been made about the genocide but few, if any, have tackled the story with such honesty and emotional depth. It is a film that everyone should see in the hope that the international community will not abandon those who are in need ever again."

It was difficult to watch (and I absolutely recommend everyone getting their hands on it, at least one time through), but I didn't realize the full effect it had on my heart until I ended up in my friend Isaiah's room with tears running down my face, throwing around questions without answers, frustrations with other people, and mostly frustrations with myself and the role I have to play. This genocide that happened in Rwanda is real, it happened during all of our lifetimes. These people are real, it's not just "something going on in Africa." I've heard people say that with a sad sigh and as some form of excuse to do nothing more, like Africa is only a place of war, HIV, poverty and death. Are those people any different from us? When we see on the news black children who have been killed on the streets and in their villages, does it strike the same nerve as if it were a little blond haired, blue eyed girl from down the street? Why are some people more human than others? More valuable? And why do I spend so much of each and every day worried about myself? ...my priorities, my agenda, my wonderfully blessed life.

This movie also struck a very personal chord in my life, because it brought me back to the truth of what has really been taking place in Kenya this past year. After the elections in December, there was a form of racial cleansing - tribes killing other tribes to obtain power and influence in the country, homes being burned to the ground, businesses destroyed. And it's not something I read about in the news, it's something I learned of through e-mails from dear friends living in the heat of battle.

My head is still spinning, and my external processing has made it to the front page of my blog. I guess to me what I'm most afraid of is living in a spirit of apathy, of seeing and doing nothing. So the big, booming question now is, "God, what are you asking me to do? What is my role? Please show me." Taking on the whole world is overwhelming - but it's that one cause, that one person who is worth fighting for.

Please just watch the movie, and allow God to speak to you in his own unique way.

http://www.beyondthegates-movie.com/

p.s. if you would like to follow along with my postings, you can click on the "follow this blog" link on the right hand side of my profile, which will keep you updated with new additions as they come.

back for round 2!

After 10 days of vacation at home in Nebraska, I'm back on base at YWAM Colorado Springs and excited about this next season! The campus is busy with 3 schools running this semester, including a justice-focused DTS with over 50 new students. Every week each student has a journal assignment due covering 3 broad topics: lecture, personal, and spiritual. Even though I have yet to start writing my first entry, I decided to steal the theme and give you a quick overview of my first week here with the same outline format. 

Lecture

I genuinely love being back in the classroom. It's stretching, and challenging, and so so good for me. This week, apart from our daily class sessions, my school has been going through a videos series called "God's Warriors" documented by CNN. Each night this week we've been spending time looking at different religions, including God's Jewish Warriors, God's Muslim Warriors, and God's Christian Warriors. It's most challenging for me, I think, because I walk away from these videos and discussions not feeling more educated, but instead so naive to what's going on in the world. My worldview has been so small, so self-focused, so apathetic. Maybe that's one reason I'm so excited to be back in the classroom - I'm just not content with knowing what I know now. I need to be continually learning, growing, and seeing God's heart for the world (not just the political US of A). 

Personal

It feels good to be back on campus. It feels like home. I've been living out of a suitcase so much this past year, the comfort and familiar faces on base really bring me a sense of peace and security. I also feel like this is an environment that allows me to be me, the loud, goofy, real Jill that is completely in love with Jesus and doesn't have to water it down for anyone. I can run every day and play in the pool and have hallway parties and play card games till late into the night. I can have real discussions about topics that I'm passionate about, I can cry without feeling embarrassed and I don't have to do myself up to be loved and accepted. 

Is there a hard side? Of course. The two major challenges for me personally have been in friendships and finances. Although I have met so many new amazing people this semester, I'm also separated from a lot of my closest friends, one in particular who I grew accustomed to spending every day (and night) with who is now serving the Lord for a year in Europe. It's again reminding me that my strength needs to come from God first, and I can't seek that out in relationships alone. I am also challenged because after spending the summer overseas and immediately turning around for another outreach with YWAM, I am living off less financially than I ever have before. I am really trying to trust and lean on God to be my provider, but the independence in me just wants to earn an income and provide for myself. I'm confident that I am supposed to be here for this upcoming season, but there are definitely struggles that accompany the blessings. 

Spiritual

I've spent a lot of time this week talking with God about outreach and the plans he has for me (short-term and long-term). There were a few weeks when I was really having a hard time hearing his voice, so it's great just to be in close communication again, regardless of his answers to my stream of questions. One of my favorite things about prayer is getting confirmation - that even though I am sure I can hear God's voice on my own, having people around me who are getting the same thing and the same direction gives me butterflies in my stomach. Instead of being given specific locations and service projects for this school, we were asked to really pray about where God wants to send each of us specifically, and what it is that our ministry should look like. I think I know where I'll be headed off to this December, but will wait to divulge until everything has become official. Regardless of location, it really has been refreshing to rest in the presence of God and feel so close to him again. 

This quick update has turned into a pretty long report, so I'll sign off for now, saying stay tuned! Again I'm going to try to get posts up weekly, if not biweekly, on life during the School of Strategic Missions. Also, if you're taking the time to read this, I would love to hear from you! - even a simple response so I know I'm not writing all this nonsense just for me

[my e-mail address is jill.kilzer@gmail.com] 

be blessed!

home again

After touring and exploring Chiang Mai, Thailand, experiencing the most incredible debrief on Koh Samet Island and 30+ hours of traveling, I'm back home in Colorado Springs with my team (and all of our luggage!)

My team took a busride to northern Thailand to spend a few days in Chiang Mai before we left Thailand. Chiang Mai is a great city, and for the first time I really felt like I was experiencing Thai culture. So much of what I learned in Mae Sot was from the Burmese, living right on the border of the country. In Chiang Mai we took advantage to experience Thailand like we had only seen in pictures. Our translator and close friend Milk showed us the best her hometown has to offer, from the HUGE Sunday night street market, temple tours, Monk chat, cultural food and dancing, elephant riding, waterfalls, bamboo rafting, movie theaters and paintballing.

The 4 days we spent there were jam-packed with activities, and as the team packed up for another 8 hour bus ride and a 5 day stay in Bangkok, we were surprised with a change in itinerary. We packed our backpacks for a weekend getaway on the beautiful Koh Samet Island.

Koh Samet is probably one of the most breathtaking and wonderful places I've ever been. Each day there I was so in awe of how God wanted to bless us, and how he chose to give us rest after a tiring outreach. We spent 3 and a 1/2 days swimming, snorkeling and having church on the beach.

My quiet times there were so powerful, so refreshing, just laying on the shore as the sun rose over the ocean, praying out loud without another voice on the island to be heard. God met me there to answer questions I had, struggles with being put in paradise when the beautiful street children who became my friends are still living in such a dark place. Where's the balance between serving and living a life of luxury?

The answer I received was strong and simple, "Don't live your life pursuing the luxuries and 'good stuff', but don't live life so controlled that you don't allow good things to happen."

I will always remember Koh Samet as a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness. After 6 weeks of work, he gave us a week of rest. And it was above and beyond anything I could have asked for or imagined.

I got into Colorado Springs Wednesday night, and have been debriefing and fighting jet lag for the past few days now. I know this week is really good for me, having my team close when I need and miss them, having friends and staff on base who are willing to talk and even more eager to listen, and also the space I need to hide away and walk, journal, process or even just try to sleep. I'm hoping that by the time I return home to Nebraska next weekend I'll be rested, restored and ready to meet up with old friends and spend some quality time with family. My time will fly by, since I'm planning to return to YWAM here for a secondary school Sept. 11 - so please call me so that we can get together while I'm home!

And thank you again for all of your prayers you've lifted up for my team, and all of the personal encouragement I've received. I honestly could not have done this without you. I've had the most incredible summer, and God is continuing to teach me though new world experiences. I love debrief because it's a time to pull apart everything that's happened and ask, "Why? What did I learn? God what were you doing in that? Through that? And why did you choose me?" Hopefully I come out of this with some answers, but more likely it will be outweighed with even more new questions to pursue!

life at the village

I just returned to Mae Sot this week after four intense, beautiful days in a hill tribe village on the Burmese river border. It was such an amazing time for the whole team, and I don't know how to sum it up in a quick blog update. So I pulled a few quotes and phrases that I wrote in my journal this past weekend, and hope that I have a chance to sit down with each of you over coffee or a phone call and really voice these incredible stories. The Koren people revealed a side of Thailand to me that I had yet to see, and I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to stay and serve with them.

"As soon as I climbed out of the back of the truck I knew I was in love with this place. Soccer in the middle of the land, worship music booming out of band practice, and the mountains in clear view from our balcony. This village is located literally on the order of Burma, and where I sleep is a 2 minute walk to the river dividing the two countries. Judah told us you can often hear the landmines exploding from the camp."

"The girl I prayed with was so passionate, so intense, and even though I didn't understand a word she was saying, it shook my heart and I know God understood every word and saw every tear that fell from her eyes."

"The flood pictures just about broke my heart, seeing these little innocent kids draw dead bodies and animals and trees floating in the water. No Sunday school in the States has ever drawn Noah's Ark like that."

"Everyone here seems so genuine, seeking knowledge and pursuing God."

"It made me smile watching the guys sit on the floor together with hands and arms and legs intertwined, having no problem at all with their lack of personal space."

"People back home have a picture of this little girl or boy from Compassion that I've been hugging and singing and playing with. These are real, wonderful kids and they've really helped warp my view of the pictures I see of sponsored kids and children in need."

"God, you broke my heart for these people tonight. As the music played I fell to my knees and wept - wept because you love them so much, because I need to do more to help them, more people need to do something to help them."

"We do so much here - but I really like it. It makes our four short days here feel like double the time with testimonies, messages, dramas and songs. And there are still moments like these where I can sit on the deck, look out on the mountains and journal."

workin' hard

I decided to post a photo blog this week, so you can see for yourself what a week looks like for our team here in Mae Sot, Thailand. We volunteer at 3 locations: a SafeHouse for kids, New Day elementary school, and construction sites (we've spent our first 3 weeks building a playground out of used tires, and are currently building a bamboo classroom at New Day school - pictures of the bamboo classroom should be up in a week or two). A pictures worth a thousand words, right? Enjoy!

These are the SafeHouse kids, Ali and Jamela. There are 6 kids from Burma that live at the SafeHouse now, but during the day all are at school except for these two. They are the most beautiful, energetic kids, and have been growing so much since they moved in with Compasio just one month ago.

New Day is an overcrowded elementary school full of Burmese kids from across the border. I spend most of my time there with the preschool students playing, singing, teaching English and helping feed them. Their energy is contagious, and at times pretty chaotic, but it's so fun to be there and fall in love with all of these kids and learn each of their unique personalities.

We have been working with a guy from Australia named Marcus, brainstorming and creating and tearing apart tires to make a playground for an elementary school. After weeks of sweating, bolting, painting and drilling tires - the playground is just about complete with a marry-go-round, swing set, climbing pyramids, a 3-part see-saw, a sandpit, a tunnel dome and a flying fox. The kids are already showing up each afternoon to play and challenge their imaginations.

Outreach Itinerary:

Aug 2 -5: Staying at a Koren Village

Aug 7: Visit Refugee Camp

Aug 8: Day in Burma

Aug 10 - 14: Visiting & touring Chiang Mai

Aug 15 - 19: Debrief in Bangkok

Aug 20: Fly back to Colorado Springs, CO

Aug 28: DTS Graduation

Aug 29: Back home in Lincoln, Nebraska

waterfalls

 Today has been the best day I've spent in Thailand. The past few days many Thais have been celebrating a Buddhist holiday and cleansing, which started on Wednesday and will last for 3 months (similar to Lent, I'm told). With schools out and business' closed, the team was treated to our own special holiday - a surprise trip to the waterfalls!

The water rushed over the steep rocks and pounded down onto us, the thick trees and jungle branches swallowed us as we climbed up and up. I've been in waterfalls before, but never have I climbed up a waterfall. Unlike the icy bite that comes from snow-melted waterfalls, this tropical current was cool and comfortable, and just perfect for water fights. The beauty and adrenaline and adventure of today has put it unquestionably at one of the top 5 best things I've ever done in my life. Getting lost in the wonder and greatness of God steals my breath away. He is so good! - and my life is so good because of Him. I would never have climbed a waterfall in Thailand if he hadn't brought me here.

So today, on a Buddhist holiday in the middle of an Asian jungle, I wanted to make a statement of faith and give back to my Lord and Father. Surrounded by my Thailand family and held by my 2 most amazing leaders and friends, I was baptized. I've wanted to be baptized as an adult, but I felt like God was telling me to wait - until this moment. It was soul-shaking, one of the most powerful moments I've ever felt. And hey, who else can say that they've been baptized under a waterfall in Thailand?

Pictures below. I hope this brings a smile to your day.

     

    

journal entry 7/07

I'm witnessing firsthand what Compasio does in Mae Sot - and it's rocking my world. And not only am I witnessing it, but I get to be apart of it.

Tonight our team welcomed into the family 3 amazing Burmese girls. They were put in jail after their parents were arrested, then left in prison after their parents were sent back to Burma. So now these 12, 15 and 17 year old girls (although they look much younger) are homeless and abandoned in a country that is not their own. It is so humbling to me... I have no idea what loss feels like, hopelessness or fear. I have no platform to speak from except love and compassion. They're still trying to locate their parents, so this move could be very short term or result in permanent relocation. And we're here to take them in, love on them, be their friends. It's such a beautiful thing. My heart aches when I think about what would of happened if Compasio wasn't here - if Sia said no. Those girls would have been dropped back in Burma with such an inescapable risk of rape, starvation, sex trafficking and death. God you are good.

Tonight Sia also got a phone call. There are 40-50 children orphaned and homeless with nowhere to go due to the cyclone that hit Burma last month. Without hesitation she said yes. Without a house, without a plan - there was no logical way to say yes and yet no possible way to say no. Her words were, "If God wants us to have these kids tomorrow, he'll provide the house." So within the next week our entire team might be moving into a new Compasio home with 50 abandoned Burmese children.

I am in the midst of Compasio at work - respond, react, love without limits or logic. I am so thankful that you've trusted my team enough to be apart of this. This mission is going to be exhausting and painful and absolutely amazing. Help me not to hold back, not to be afraid. I think I'm finally ready - I'll do anything you ask me to do. 

Sawa-dee-ka!

For those of you who don't speak Thai, that means, "Hello, how are you?" One of the few phrases I've mastered thus far on my week living in Mae Sot. For those who like to hear a little more details on what my team is up to in Thailand -

We're starting to get into a groove with ministry, waking up around 6:30am for a little breakfast and Jesus time, then headed out at 8:00 or 8:30am to our various work locations. The team is on rotation so everyone will get to serve at each spot: New Day Elementary school, construction and watching little ones at the SafeHouse (a home for children funded and run by Compasio).

A group of us went in for construction Tuesday morning with the intention of learning how to work with bamboo to build a classroom. Instead we found ourselves brainstorming, sketching and constructing a playground for kids made from only used tires. It is definitely a creative and exhausting project, but at the end of the day watching the little kids jump and laugh and climb all over it makes the labor completely worth it. 

  A couple days this week I've been at the SafeHouse watching the two most adorable kids Ali and Jamela. They're both around two years old (no parents, no birthday) and have been living with Compasio about a month. In that time I'm told how much they've been growing and changing to now happy, healthy kids spoiled with love and attention. I love that their are no language barriers with 2-year olds, and a laugh - or a scream - is universal in any country. Being at the house also really frees up the long-term missionaries to build up relationships and service in the area.

  

Next week I'll be teaching and helping out at the school, as well as trying to get out in the city more to practice my Thai and make friends around the downtown shops. This past week in Thailand has felt like a month! I'm really happy to be serving here as my brain is challenged and stretched with new information from this side of the globe. This is the 2nd year I've celebrated the 4th of July outside of the U.S., and I must admit that I miss the fireworks, although we were spoiled with our first taste of (almost) American food. Rest day has been switched from Monday to Saturday, so I'm excited for an afternoon of swimming, playing cribbage, and maybe even grabbing a soft-serve ice cream cone at the end of the day for 10baht (about 20 cents). 

Sawa-dee-ka! (it means hello & goodbye)

the hands of Love

I don't know her name, but I can't forget her face. Her skin is caramel brown and her black hair long and silky... she is such a beautiful little girl.

She spoke only Burmese, but through Sia - our host and leader through Compasio - I was told her story. This little girl lives in Burma with her older brother, and every day crosses the river to the Thai border to beg. Her parents are both dead, and her family has been displaced by the Burma militia attacks. Sia meets with this little girl when she goes to the market, and on this day decided to bring her home.

She ate an overflowing plate of chicken and rice ans she sat in rags on the floor with the kids. After lunch a few of the Compasio volunteers showed her love the best way they knew how - by serving her. Her greasy and ratted ponytail was brushed, washed and treated for thousands of lice that lived on her little scalp. After that she was dressed in new clothes, glowing in bright pink and pastel blues. I felt like the Lord was giving this little girl hope that day. She came into the SafeHouse with empty eyes, and left smiling and laughing and free to be a kid.

Sia took this little girl back to the market that afternoon, where she would later cross the river back to her home in Burma, unsure of what the next day will bring. But today she felt love, God's love, and no one can steal that away from her.

Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all—he is the greatest. - Luke 9:48

I'm here!

A quick update from Thailand - after 3 days of planes, buses, taxis and trucks we have arrived safely at our destination! Thanks to all of you who have been praying for my team's travels along the way - through delayed flights and schedule changes, we made it with all of our luggage to Bangkok on time, and even got free food vouchers in LA. Granted, what was suppose to be a nice and luxurious layover in HongKong we spent running through the airport, God totally had a hand over our travels.

We arrived in Bangkok around 2am Saturday morning (which is 1pm Friday afternoon in Colorado Springs), and spent the day there with an Australian team going through some Thai orientation and taking a scavenger hunt around the big city. I tasted authentic Thai food for the first time, and am already hooked! Each meal since then has been different and delicious, and usually costs less than $1 per person. After dinner we loaded an overnight double-decker bus to travel to our home on the Northern Thai/Burma border. We made it in around 4am, and have since been trying to tackle jet lag and get back on a normal schedule! I'm stilling wearing my watch set for Colorado time - but it works great because I only have to add 1 hour (3:30pm here, 2:30am back home).

Our home is beautiful, a hotel surrounded by flowers and big green trees, located right on the edge of downtown and within walking distance from any major hot spots in the city. Tomorrow we begin ministry with Compasio, splitting up to various locations to work with kids, building projects, schools and more. This morning we went to Partners Relief and Development (www.partnersworld.org) and learned about the Burmese people we will be working with, and the state of war and deprivation that their country is in. I wish I had time to write about this subject (maybe in a later post), but my eyes were opened and heart broken to issues I was completely unaware of up to this point. Basically the Burmese government is going through a controlled racial cleansing, killing off their own people and spending all of their country's income for militia funding.

More to come soon! I only have an hour on the computer each week, but I wanted to post that I am here, am safe, and anxious to begin serving! The people here are welcoming and beautiful, and my heart is bursting to get started. Please continue to keep us in your prayers, for patience with language barriers, unity as a team, and to be fully committed in service as we go out in ministry. Also, pray for our health - so far all of us are feeling great (besides falling asleep during dinner) - but I know with different foods and environments, illnesses tend to sneak in and slow down a team.

Also, some people have asked if it is too late to give and partner with this ministry... absolutely not! Any donations are still greatly appreciated, and we will be using those funds to build classrooms and aid medical vehicles here in Thailand. Also, I have made plans to partner with YWAM full-time in September, and will need to raise a support base to continue doing outreach ministries. Please pray if there is any way you can be apart of this! Thanks for checkin in... stay tuned for more stories from the 10/40 window :)

finish strong

My team ran in the Estes Park Marathon this Sunday, 13.1 miles of beauty, pain, and accomplishment. We've been training for 6 weeks (although the recommended timeframe is at least 3 months) which included workouts as early as 4:30am up steep elevations and around mountain trails. Together we've pressed through blisters, cramps, sore muscles and bad attitudes. Through it all I caught a glimpse of just how much our bodies are capable of, and how much God has really created us to do, if only our minds can wrap around that idea and believe it.

pictured above is Isaiah and myself soaking in the beautiful moutain surroundings (around mile 5)

crossing the finish line, first of the group at 2hrs 12 min (not as good as my half-marathon time last year in Nebraska, but I'm told I can blame that on the 7500-8000ft elevation)

my running team: Isaiah, Caleb, Katie, Me, Becca & Andrew

the Crazings! (crazy/amazing)

This is my last week of classes here in the Springs. 10 more days left of Discipleship Training School, then we're flying off to Bangkok. As easy as it would be for me to check out at this point, to start packing my backpack and practicing my Thai, I know I need to be here and finish strong. Just like the marathon wasn't the end of my running career, neither is this school the end of my discipleship training. It's an accomplishment, and I'm running hard to finish this chapter, but I'm also so excited to see what's next. To discover how much more I'm capable of than I ever believed before. To give more, serve more, learn more.

To push myself further. Next year I'm running the full marathon. 26.2 miles, bring it on :)

giving night

journal entry - June 4, '08
I cannot believe what happened tonight. Giving night. Quite possibly the greatest night of my life. Praising God for 2 ½ hours straight – praising by giving back what is His. Breaking materialism in our lives. I spent the entire night in tears. Wow God, I was so filled watching you pour out your blessings on others tonight. Ipods exchanged, laptops freely given, money for plane tickets and outreach fees placed in the hands of those who need it. Indescribable miracles.

I gave Natalie my NorthFace jacket tonight. I loved that jacket so much. It’s still so new, I wanted to hold onto it. But I wanted to give more, and I knew you were asking me to let it go. I don’t want to be controlled by any material possessions, trapped in the spirit of poverty. I don’t want to hold back from any of the blessings you have for me, Father. I let it go. And the look on Natalie’s face and the tears running down her cheeks made it completely worth it.

All day, the only thing I could think about was a guitar. God, you told me I was going to learn to play, and with everything in me I’ve wanted one of my own. But I didn’t tell anyone. Hardly anyone knows I want to learn the guitar, and I laid that down. I didn’t want expectations on my heart. I wanted to be full, even if I received nothing. But God, you see every desire in my heart.

Jed gave me his guitar. It was his very first one. With tears streaked down his face he told stories of it as he placed it in my hands. It’s all that I wanted and more. It’s not something I gave to myself, but a gift from you. It’s absolutely beautiful, and perfect for my little fingers. Being a sacrifice from Jed makes me want to learn it and take care of it so much more. His memories are being passed onto me. Andre prayed prophetic gifting over me – and God I know you’ve called me to this. Help me to learn, to have discipline and diligence in my practice, and use it as a tool for your worship and glory. You blew my mind tonight. And I loved every minute of it.

Just a few of the blessings I can recall from tonight:

• Leah gave her MacBook to Seojin
• Seojin gave her digital camera to Amber
• Andrew gave his MacBook to Andre
• Ben received all of the money needed for a plane ticket to Hawaii for missions
• Trey gave his laptop to Aaron – and then Seojin gave her new laptop to Trey
• Graham and Hope gave $5,000 to Wraeth and Michelle for plane tickets overseas
• Mark emptied his savings account for Andrew & Ally (first time without a savings account in 25 years)
• John received a guitar from Caroline, and his first pair of tennis shoes from Trey
• Deanne, Amber, Caroline, Becca, Aaron & Amie received new iPods and MP3 players (Becca gave away her 8GB iPod and later received Grahams 80GB iPod)
• Derek gave his new digital camera to Ben, then received one from Renee
• Natalie gave away her wedding pearls, then later received Ally’s 19yr old wedding pearls
• Harmony gave Michelle her diamond wedding ring
• Hundreds of dollars given freely to those in need for outreach fees
  

Oh daddy, how you bless your children! Thank you for being the provider in our lives. For filling our needs and our wants. You are more than enough.

more than words can say

God has filled me so much this weekend! I have a hundred stories. & I know it's said that a picture is worth a thousand words. So this is the best way I could think of to share my stories with you - - -

Friday morning started for me at 4:30am, as my roommate Becca and I left campus for "the Incline" - 2000 ft climb to the top of a mountain at sunrise. It's usually part of our marathon training, but this morning it was strictly for fellowship. We promised each other we wouldn't even break a sweat.

(1372 is the stair-count up the mountain, marking the 1/2 way point. The last picture is the incline shown from Manitu Springs)

The fellowship continued as the team was taken by surprise to the Broadmoor Hotel - a beautiful, luxurious and world famous hotel. Our daddy treated us to ice cream (Isaiah wanted to make sure we knew it was a blessing from God, and not his own pocket) as we toured around the magnificent grounds and pampered ourselves in the plush furniture and danced on the freshly waxed floors (which were perfect for spinning, too)

(I'm pictured there in the ice cream shop with my roommates, Amber & Becca)

Saturday a few of us set out to tour Manitu Springs, a cute, old town outside of the Springs. The sun was hot, the shopkeepers were welcoming, and the laughter was contagious.

(one of our favorite stops was the world famous Penny Arcade, where we played old arcade games for 1 - 10 cents each. The games were incredible, and cost us less than $1! - & the last picture was taken at an old antique shop. As you can see, I was left alone and not happy about it)

Saturday night was my first backpacking trip in the mountains. We hiked up with only our packs for a night under the stars. From the top of the mountain we played cards & dice games, made a campfire, told stories and watched the most amazing lightning show over the night lights of Colorado Springs. In the morning we were pampered with hot chocolate and oatmeal before we hiked back down to the noises of the real world. It was a night filled with memories I won't soon forget.

(the crew hiking up, and playing Greed once we unpacked our sleeping bags on the mountaintop)

(the view from the peak, including a top view of the Broadmoor Hotel and sunset)

(our amazing fire, late night popcorn snack, and true colors unveiled during our hike back down Sunday morning)

I'm so thankful for the friends that I've made here. For the laughter. For the memories. Some days are really hard, but then I have weekends like this that just rejuvinate my spirit. I have a daddy who is pouring out His love on me, simply because He can. I never want to forget the simple joys that come with life. They're what make it worth living :)