encouraged.

Writing is something I have grown to love.

Learning to write on the other hand. Incredibly discouraging.

Now I can't say that the past nine weeks have been all hair pulling and torturous - but more like a big dose of real life struggles. For now I'll try to focus in on the writing struggles.

This course is incredible, because it offers a wide variety of skills taught by experienced professionals. On the other hand, it can be overwhelming to take in and apply so many different formats.

Novels.

Screenwriting.

Magazines.

Non-Fiction.

I want to take each one and run with it. To be the best. To be so skillful and creative that the first draft goes to the publishers. But instead I've felt beaten down. Defeated. I've questioned coming to this school, going to India next month, my ability to write. How do I apply all of these structures? Every timeline and outline and still find the perfect premise statement? Why pursue this if it isn't something I enjoy?

Writing easily becomes an assignment, to meet the grade criteria more than a creative outpouring from the spirit. And when I trap myself in my own head, it's easy to become incredibly discouraged.

BUT ->

I usually steer clear from blogging until I'm on the other side of the tunnel - I like some light in an article instead of ending in tragedy.

I gave myself an extra homework assignment tonight. I went online and started reading articles. I picked a website I had never visited before (relevantmagazine.com) and started reading. and reading. I found articles from around the world. About justice issues and the environment and faith. I set down my computer for dinner with the excitement and passion I'd been lacking.

I'm going to India next month to write stories like these. To write about hope through the eyes of an orphan. Love through the eyes of a prostitute. Joy in the the midst of a leper colony. And what scares me more than anything is that I'm not enough. If I can't write, if I can't do this task expected of me, what good am I? [ Time and time again I have to lay that down. ]

Reading those simple articles tonight gave me a lot of encouragement. I could see the formats from my notes fleshed out onto the page in a real, tangible way - and I know it's not impossible for me. Right now I'm just acquiring the tools I need - and some are much heavier to pick up than others. But the more I work with them the lighter they get, and the more skilled I become in my craft.

I pray that if you are struggling with something, you take a moment out of your own thoughts - and allow room to be encouraged. Sometimes it comes in the most unexpected ways, but it is the sweetest thing you can receive.

(photo from Stream of Mercy, India)