I think it's finally hit me. As I sit here, sipping the last of my $4 mocha, sprawled out in an over sized brown leather chair, I'm realizing that my life is never going to be the same. I am never going to be the same. This experience, this family of believers, this foreign country are going to change my life. Forever. And I leave in 6 hours.
I am so thankful for my life. I have been blessed more than I could as for, if no other way, through the relationships I have come to love and cherish. The last few weeks preparing to leave the country have been, well, hectic. There has been so much shopping and packing and preparing that I did not schedule much time for. Some nights I have felt extremely unprepared - that I haven't read enough, studied my Bible enough, prayed enough for this huge venture. But then a friend comes to town, or a family member spends the weekend with me, or my sister has a baby (!), and I see the heart of God so much more than I ever would "preparing" on my own. I feel love through relationships, and I could not have been any more filled up than I have been these past few weeks.
I'm learning how to be real. To be raw and unsheltered. Not flawless, just transparent. This is the first time I've exposed my thoughts and my heart to an audience of unknown. To anyone. To the world. I don't know how to adjust or adapt or react to my surroundings, so it's just me, alone with my computer, trying to process what the next three months of my life are going to be like. All I can do is smile. This summer has been so good, and I know it's just the beginning. There will be struggles, and I am going to be faced with more poverty and heartache and destruction than I've ever encountered in my 20 years of comfortable American living. But I am going to experience love on a level most people will never know. I'm going to live the way I was created to live, leaving the high heels and the make-up and the jewelry behind, stripping down to the core, to the real. I want to learn how to live real, if nothing else that is my prayer. I don't want to put on a mask for work, an image for my family and a costume for my friends. The woman that these people meet in Africa, that is going to be the real me. The broken, bruised, and God-loving little girl that is living to share Christ's love and grace.
My flight to Georgia leaves in 6 hours. I have to be at the airport in 5. Leave my house in 4. Wake up in... 3? Wow, there really is no turning back now. Africa here I come!
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye...
How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? How beautiful are the feet of those who bring the good news!
- Romans 10:14-15
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment